What is it like dating after a divorce?

apriljohnson

apriljohnson

New member
Hello! My divorce will be finalized soon, and while it took me by surprise, I’m healing. We’ve been separated since August. I've seen a lot of people say they don’t want to date someone’s first relationship after a divorce, which makes sense given the potential for rebounds. That makes me wonder: would anyone be open to dating me once I start again? I’m in therapy, have a strong support system, and am not expecting to find my soulmate right away.

For those of you who’ve started dating after a divorce or long-term relationship, what did you do to approach it healthily? With all the "no dating someone fresh out of divorce" advice, I’m curious how others have navigated this.
 
It’s not advice, just something I learned from experience. I tried dating soon after my divorce, but it was a disaster. I was just too hurt at the time.

Instead of dating, I focused on myself. I went to therapy to understand what happened and what I could learn from it.

Now, two years after the divorce, I finally feel ready to date again.
 
When I started dating after my divorce, I scared off a few guys by being too familiar too soon. I was so used to being in a relationship that it felt normal to act that way, even with people I'd just met. Over time, you’ll get better at managing this - it's something you learn as you go!
 
Six months after I signed the papers, I started dating again. I’d been thinking about leaving for 15 years, but strangely, no one ever asks me about that. Instead, they ask if I cheated (I didn’t) or if he cheated (he didn’t). No one seems curious about why I got married or why I decided to leave. People always want to know if I’m still in love with him, but they never ask if I loved him in the first place. Honestly, I think most of us don’t really know the right questions to ask.
 
It really depends on where you are emotionally and mentally. I went through a tough time with my ex-husband, who was unfaithful, and we separated while I was pregnant with my second child. For two years, I focused on getting by with my two little ones before even filing for divorce. The process took another year and a half to finalize. After that, I spent two years in therapy for PTSD and working on myself before I felt ready to date again. It took a while, but starting earlier would’ve been a disaster for me.
 
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